My Humble Apology Letter To My Victim, My Sister, Writes a Women's Prisoner in California

June 5Th 2015, Amber S. Jackson, #X15530 / (CIW)

Dear [name redacted],

Hi. This letter is being written by me to apologize for all the harm that I've done to you. I need you to know that I'm sorry. I'm acutely aware of all the ways my actions in Sept. 2004 hurt you and our family and our surrounding community in San Diego. You don't owe me anything. You don't even have to read this. But I pray that you will read this and that doing so will help your journey of healing.

In Sept. 2004 I heated hot cooking oil and threw it at you with the specific intent to disfigure you as well as to inflict pain. You did not deserve this. It took years for me to admit to myself just how wrong I was. I offer no excuses. It's all my fault. Nothing can justify my horrible act! I was an angry monster.

I know you were surprised and confused and angry when I burned you the way I did. I know you went into a depression afterwards. I am aware of the physical and mental work it took for you to recover. It pains me to think about what I put you through. I am ashamed of hurting you that day! That is my biggest mistake! I've cried remembering what I did.

As I write this, I pray your heart is open to hearing me out. I'm not the person I once was. I assure you I'm not the same Amber that burned you. I have changed so much! I'm willing to make this apology to you face to face but only if you want. I'm willing to do so. I owe that to you. I'm also open if you have any questions for me.

Knowing how much pain I've caused you is devastating to live with. I look at my hands and I know these hands hurt you. As my sister, I need you to please know that I AM SO SORRY! I wish to God I could undo that day more than anything. I often think of you and wonder how you are doing. I'm not the Amber you knew. I'm a new creation. Not to be cliché but God has changed me. God has rebuilt me. I never thought I could or would change. I've done much work on myself through rehabilitative classes and self work.

I hope you receive this letter under the best of circumstances. Thank you for your time.

Earnestly,

Amber S. Jackson