Community, Diversity, Sustainability and other Overused Words
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Next Month, MAY, 2021, I, Ms. Amber S. Jackson, am 6 years sober. I did it. In prison. You can do it too!! No MATTER where you are!! Do it one day at a time! Start with the first step. Then keep going!! Don't use no matter what. It gets easier. I took one day as it came. Then the next day. Some days were harder than others. I began the M.A.T. PROGRAM. Medication assisted treatment about 4-5 months ago. The pandemic stressed me to the point where I needed extra help. I was losing my mind and...
Every unit in every prison and every jail, men's and women's, has one or two of these. A "DeputyNoBadge." An inmate who thinks they're ACTUALLY a correctional officer!! They're worse than any snitch!! They're worse than any officer!! Myself and my fellow inmate have more to fear from other inmates than any officer or authority figure! Fellow prisoners are always your most likely problem!! Most of all, trust no roommate. They have the most access to you and your stuff. They know what you have...
I've seen and known a handful of MILLIONAIRES during my prison stay. They've generally fallen into 2 categories. First is the low-profile, yet well-to-do person who stays to themself and buys everything they can get their hands on. There's one who was a miser!! Frugal and spent so little at canteen you'd think she was barely getting by!! She was a "baby case"!! Killed her child because she was jealous of her husband's attention to the baby. She was tiny and I think she was Amish!! Very socially...
It's true. Women's prisons like this are full of old ladies. Evil old ugly ladies. Not your sweet grandma. While reading this, you must suspend your typical idea of an average old lady out there, helpless, frail, etc. Picture a wolf in sheep's clothing pretending to be sicker and much more frail than they really are all to play games and pretend to be something they are not. Hoping to use your kindness as an opportunity to exploit your soft spot for the elderly!! Keep this image and definition...
I'm not typically in the business of asking strangers for help. But after the pain I've felt on covid lockdowns over the past year, I'll do anything to ensure I don't feel that feeling again. When I'm locked in, IT FEELS LIKE IT'S NEVER GOING TO END!! Yes, I know it will. But it feels helpless. To the point where my mind is touching the outer limits of how I can relieve this feeling!! I'm sure you can understand what I'm saying. I have my social outlet which is this writing to you. I'm in...
I've been telling you about my former fiancé over these past 2 months. We met on my birthday, Feb.18th. It was a whirlwind romance. We both felt instant connection to each other, blah, blah, blah and so on! He just dumped me in a text message over the prison Jpay.com email system!! He's a coward!! We talk by phone everyday! He dodged my phone calls for 2 days then texted me saying "we should continue our journey as friends." As you may imagine, I was crying and in a mix of emotions. Shocked, tea...
I'm Amber. I'm the prisoner. You're the Crowd. I need you! I need you to make room in your heart and your budget for me. I'm talking to those who do HAVE it to give!! Yes, you. No, you don't owe me. But you can make a huge difference in my life!! I'm SINGLE and I have NO FAMILY in my life. It's a long story. I touched on it in previous articles. I was in foster care and on the streets most of my life before hitting prison at 20. I'm now 37. I'm an artist. I'm in college! I'm working hard. I...
Freshly showered and just used my one phone call for the day. It's quiet. Nurses just came to do daily routine temp checks on us ladies in this unit under quarantine for day #13. My, I'm deeply distressed by this confinement. Badly. I appear calm. I want to scram! Cry. I've hit a mental wall. I have no more patience left. My mind is doing its thing and reminding me of all I've seen while in these women's prisons. I've witnessed one gem of a tale after another. Even when you're doing the right...
I was kidnapped at 13. Taken from San Diego to Hollywood by 2 black men. Their plan was to traffick me. Sell me. Against my will. No choices offered. I had NO street smarts. THIS was my first street experience, forced. I was changed forever. A girl I met in a group home named Stephanie, age 14, called me to pick me up with these men to "hang out." She set me up. Telling these men I'd work for them. I had no idea. I knew she had been a prostitute. I befriended her because people were mean to her...
I'm sitting in my cell, in a black chair. Curtains closed, fan on low, no lights. It's a hot day. Other than the fan, no noises. We're on 'quarantine'. Which means just another lockdown! We're on day 11. Each day one shower, one phone call, one chance to use the computer. That's your entire day. A total of an hour outside the cell. I think this is the 3rd time since the first last March, that we again have a Covid-19 outbreak. The prison is no better at this now than they were then. One SMART...
Yes, I do not remember the free world anymore! After nearly 17 years with a couple more to go, I can say, as a straight women, my sexual appetite is healthy and ready to go. I do not remember much of the free world. I don't remember the touch of man! If you are the man who gets to have me, after release, after all of this time?? You are a man with the winning lottery ticket. And you'll have a big job on your hands. My fiancé knows this already. Montez. We plan to marry and we both want a baby....
CDCR. The California Department Of Corrections And Rehabilitation. Correction? Rehabilitation? What do these words look like? What do they mean? Are they nouns or verbs? Could it be more than a name or is it an action? Is correcting behavior and thinking, rehabilitating someone to return and function within society without further incident, truly possible?? If so, making the person's crime an anomalous event, bifurcating a person's dysfunctional life before prison from their fully functioning,...
That's right. Prisoner patient 0 of this current CIW prisoner outbreak involves a prisoner who was fully vaccinated!!! So, it's clear the vaccine sucks. I only got one vaccine. Essentially I am Anti-Vax and Anti-Mask all the way. Covid missed me and hit others around me like a surgeon. What made me different?? I take vitamins religiously!! No joke. Vitamins will protect you from more than Covid. My source about the women sick with covid already having had both shots is a correctional officer. No...
First 2 staff members tested positive. Now, I'm told there are several prisoners sick. One thing is for sure, WE'RE ON LOCKDOWN!! So, something major is going on with this covid outbreak. We went into lockdown @ 6:27pm in a Friday. So, the data and time tell me that it must be serious. For the Warden to be working on a Friday evening is an indicator that this is an institutional emergency. As I look out my window, all staff now wearing Haz-Mat attire. This will continue until all staff and...
This is NO Joke! We are terrified!! Over 300 MEN claiming to be 'women' are sentenced to state prison and headed to the 2 California women's prisons!! They claim to be trans but they are not TRANZ!! They are in manipulation simply to come to women's prisons!! IF you are or know anyone involved in the state legislature or civil rights lawyers, please dispatch them to help the women in California women's prisons!! Here at CIW, we have community showers!! No place for a man!! We have toilets in...
I already told you I recently met my love, Monty. We plan to get married! Did you know California life prisoners are allowed to have overnight visits with a legally married spouse? So, let your imagination run wild just like I am! He's 50, I'm 37, let's see what happens. I have not been touched in almost 17 years. So, there might be an earthquake! Thanks to the policies in place here in California, I can now have 3 nights with my husband every quarter! So you know I'm going to share all the...
Since I had my first job at age 17, I always prefer to have Sundays and Mondays as my days off from work. It's a calm day so far. No prison staff vexing the population. Most guards prefer to do their jobs by simply being present and allowing the prison population to run itself, which it does, unless something unusual happens. So, officers do not like when they are made to unnecessarily search or do sweeps with no clear valid reasoning. The best way to pass time in prison, whether you're a guard...
After the many, many covid infections, only one staff and one prisoner from CIW died. That's it. The one staff person's death was a nurse. We prisoners were locked in our rooms so staff could leave the facility to attend. As always, prisoners pay for everything. The prison could have found a work around to keep women from being locked in. Whatever. Last night the nurses came with my and many other prisoners second covid shots. I declined just as I told you I would. No thank you. I'm too young...
Our prison canteen manager is Spawn Of Satan!! No other way to put it. I pray for her as God commands me to do for all my emenies. She's nasty! She loves blocking prisoners from buying what they need for the WHOLE MONTH! Using technicalities to deny women buying basic necessities! Due to Covid, we only get to shop once per month at the prison canteen. This woman started working here maybe 3 years ago? She's had a non stopped list of complaints over simple, minor things that are unable to...
I've noticed that many people have a totally unrealistic vision of daily prison operations. I had the same false idea of prison life. So don't feel bad! The prison correctional officers have little interaction with us on a regular basis, unless you have a specific job that involves working with officers. Some a**kissers stay in officers' faces all day long. One caught covid doing that. So, breakfast. I usually throw it away. I'll eat a banana or fruit. When the door pops open, you get a tray if...
Stresses and pressures from all directions. Different prisoners have different worries. Mine have shifted over the years. Yet, relief of one is replaced by another immediately. As soon as we eliminate all Covid-19 cases, the prison immediately institutes harassing us with searches. The entire prison stay is like this. One thing after another. Now, our population is so low it's easy to harass the fewer numbers we have. The food. Arriving on a weirdly shaped plastic brownish tray. With food on...
You have to step in a few frogs to meet your prince right? I have had my share of frogs but I did not let that harden my heart. I'm a firm believer that it takes meeting a few losers to truly recognize and fully appreciate your Mr. Right. I am SO happy to share this story with you... Well, my birthday was Feb. 18th. I did not expect anything. I don't celebrate it. So, I checked my Jpay email. I had a message from Montez? He sent me a gift and wished me a happy birthday? Me? Wow! So, I thanked hi...
Unlike a new toy or a new car, a new warden is NOT at all a good thing. Each warden seems to be worse than the one who came before them. Most have something to prove and want to reinvent the wheel when the program is running smoothly, daily. Zero covid cases. We just went down to level 2. Yet, as soon as we went to level 2, the warden began searches. The new warden is a female. She was over at a men's facility before coming here. Since she got here, she has done something I've never seen...
If you want your kids back in school, send them to prison! Last week, female and transgender male state prisoners here @ C.I.W. went back school to receive in-person educational instruction! No, California Teachers Union stopping prisoners from getting our much needed learning!! So, if this can happen here, maybe Gavin Newsom should ask the CDCR how to open the schools? This phase 2 is allowing many things to open up inside here. Vocational training also! You see, the State Prisons get paid for...
Our correspondent currently serving a 25-year-to-life sentence at the California Institution for Women asks readers to send her their questions about anything having to do with prison. You can reach her at: Amber S. Jackson Jpay.com x15530...